That Place Will Never Have Any Bearing Over Our Lives Ever Again. Unlike That Mermaid Puss
 | This is a transcribed copy for the episode "The Ricklantis Mixup." Feel free to edit or add to this page every bit long as the information comes direct from the episode. |
Transcript
[Open Ext. Smith Residence]
[Trans. Int. Rick's Garage]
(Rick prepares a harpoon gun and Morty is dressed in full scuba gear.)
Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis?
Morty: *gives a thumbs-upwards* Ready as I'll ever be, Rick!
(A portal opens behind them. Rick and Morty 1000-22 enter.)
Rick: Oh, for fuck'due south sake.
Rick K-22: *holding clipboard* Howdy, I'g Rick K-22. This is my Morty. (Morty K-22 waves.) We're going from reality to reality, request Ricks to contribute to the Citadel of Ricks redevelopment fund.
Rick: What are you, stupid? We're washed with the Citadel of Ricks. I was *burp* never on board with it in the starting time place, that'south why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot.
Rick K-22: *examines clipboard* Ohhh. That was y'all. *passes clipboard to his Morty*
Morty: They tried to murder him offset.
Morty K-22: Oh geez. Well, you'll be happy to know that... the Quango's gone at present.
Morty: Yeah, he knows. He murdered them.
Rick K-22: You wanna rein in your Morty?
Rick: *glaring* Every day.
Morty K-22: *reading from script* The Citadel of Ricks redevelopment fund donates--
Rick K-22: *interrupts* Morty, he'southward non gonna *discharge* donate. You're pitching the policeman'due south ball to a blackness teenager here. *pulls out his portal gun and shoots a new portal* Let's go.
(Morty K-22 waves and walks through the portal.)
Rick: You don't accept to exist a dick.
Rick K-22: I remember you know that's not true.
(Rick K-22 also exits through the portal, which disappears.)
Morty: Geez. I didn't know at that place were even so Ricks and Mortys living on the Citadel. I wonder what their day-to-day lives are like.
Rick: *straps harpoon gun to his back* Well, y'all can go along wondering that while we proceed our fun, fresh, self-contained adventure to Atlantis. *shoots a portal* Anyone continuing to explore the Citadel is either stupid, or one of the unfortunate millions held hostage by their terrible ideas.
(Rick exits through the portal.)
Morty: Man. Glad I'm not i of them!
(Morty fixes his scuba gear and runs through the portal later on Rick.)
[Trans. Ext. Citadel of Ricks]
("In the City" by Joe Walsh plays)
[Championship: Rick and Morty/Tales from the Citadel]
[Trans. Int. Citadel]
(Nosotros're shown a montage. The Citadel, all the same undergoing construction afterwards the damages from the events of "The Rickshank Rickdemption", is total of damaged buildings and roadways. Cars, both flying and standard, are traveling.)
(A large crowd of Ricks with Mortys interspersed throughout walks down a street.)
(Ricks work in a construction crew, rebuilding damaged structures.)
(Campaign Manager Morty pays for coffee and exits Cafe Sanchez. He tries to hail a cab, which passes him up and picks up a Rick in a business organization suit.)
[Int. Shooting range]
(At the police academy, trainee Ricks exercise shooting. Cop Rick shoots synthetic Gromflomites. He and his instructor salute one another upon his success.)
[Int. Morty Academy]
(A line of Mortys take hold of their books and shut their lockers, all of which feature pictures of Jessica while Teacher Rick looks on.)
[Int. Train]
(Many Ricks are commuting to work. They all pull out flasks and take a drink at the same time. Rick J-22 looks out the window and sees a wealthy Rick in a flying car, enjoying sardines and champaign. He sighs.)
(Music fades out)
[Trans. Citadel Morn News]
Rick (voiceover): Citadel Morning News: News about the Citadel in the morning time. Pretty self explanatory.
[Int. News room]
(Rick 0716 and Rick 0716-B anchor at the desk.)
Rick D716-B: Good morning. I'grand Rick D716-B.
Rick D716: And I'k Rick D716.
Rick D716-B: Must be nice.
Rick D716: Coming upward! Gravity outages in E Sanchez Heights!
Rick D716-B: And, is your uranium-powered cellular matrix making you sick? The answer may not surprise you. It'southward 'yeah, it'southward uranium.'
Rick D716: Those stories and more after this interruption.
[Commercial for Simple Rick'southward]
(A young Rick works in his garage as pleasant music plays.)
Narrator: 16 iterations off the central finite bend, there'southward a Rick that works more with wood than polarity plating.
(Simple Rick finishes a present for his Beth and wraps it.)
Narrator: His name is Simple Rick, but he's no dummy.
(View from a handheld video camera. Simple Rick films Beth blowing out candles on her birthday block.)
Narrator: He realized long agone that the greatest thing he'd always create was his daughter.
Young Beth: I honey Daddy!
(Elementary Rick smiles and cries happily.)
Narrator: Nosotros captured that moment and run it on a loop through Simple Rick'southward mind.
(Simple Rick, aged upwardly, sits in his seat at the wafer factory, the to a higher place scene playing on a helmet in a loop. He'south attached to machinery that collects happy secretions from his brain.)
Narrator: And the chemical that makes his brain secrete goes into every Simple Rick's Unproblematic Wafer Cookie. (Said wafer is displayed on-screen.) Come up abode to the impossible season of your ain completion. Come up home to Uncomplicated Rick'southward.
[Trans. News room]
(The circulate resumes.)
Rick D716: Just one twenty-four hours remains earlier our newly democratic Citadel elects its beginning president. Information technology's anyone'southward race among the Rick candidates.
(Rick candidates are displayed on screen. They include Retired Full general Rick, Private Sector Rick, Juggling Rick, Rick Guilt Rick, and Reverse Rick Outrage.)
Rick D716-B: But a certain other candidate should be getting at least 1 vote for most adorable.
(Candidate Morty visits hospitalized Mortys for photograph ops.)
Rick D716 (voiceover): That'southward correct, the Morty Party candidate's still in the race, and yous just gotta love him for that.
(Candidate Morty stands exterior a van, waving to press.)
Rick D716 (voiceover): Hither you encounter him in his little Morty suit, waving. Isn't that adorable? Little jackass.
(Candidate Morty gives a speech to a oversupply of Mortys in front of a commemorative Morty statue.)
Rick D716-B (voiceover): Uh, yeah, I think we actually have the audio for his speech communication here. "Aw geez, aw man, I'm gonna lose the election and stuff."
(Cuts dorsum to the newsroom. Both Ricks are laughing.)
[Int. Morty campaign headquarters]
(The Morty campaign is watching the news report. Campaign Manager Morty turns off the TV.)
Entrada Manager Morty: We had a practiced run, sir, simply I think it'south time to pull out of the race.
Candidate Morty: I experience pretty confident almost tonight'southward debate.
Entrada Manager Morty: You shouldn't, sir. You should be terrified.
Candidate Morty: Perhaps you should find a little religion, immature man.
(Candidate Morty walks away and Campaign Manager Morty calls subsequently him.)
Campaign Manager Morty: You don't pay me to have organized religion! And we're the same age!
[Trans. Morty Pride Parade]
(A parade of Mortys marches downward the street. Many Mortys hold signs. In that location are a few Ricks amongst the spectators. Cop Rick watches from outside Cafe Sanchez, drinking a java. A police force cruiser pulls up, nearly hitting ii Mortys who run out of the manner merely in fourth dimension. It stops in front of Cop Rick and the passenger window rolls downwards, revealing Cop Morty behind the wheel.)
Cop Rick: Oh! South-lamentable, I was expecting--
Cop Morty: A Rick partner? Lesson one, rookie: expect the unexpected. Now get in.
(Cop Rick climbs into the passenger seat. Cop Morty starts the cruiser and drives slowly as they approach a cluster of Mortys. One Morty jumps against the hood of the car.)
Morty: Mortys are human!
Cop Morty: Go the fuck off the car, you Rickless fuckin' animal! (He pulls a lever and the auto sends a taser daze through Morty, who falls aside.)
Morty: WHOA!! (The Mortys disperse and Cop Morty resumes driving.)
Cop Morty: The election's got these yellow shirts more riled up than a Film Day Jessica.
Cop Rick: That's pretty harsh, sir.
Cop Morty: So report me. Nobody gives a fuck.
Cop Rick: Look, I'm only saying. Makes me a little sad to hear a Morty cop calling Mortys "animals".
Cop Morty: Well, information technology makes me sad to meet another Rick cop buying into his sensitivity training.
Cop Rick: Well, I'm glad to know at that place'due south more like me.
Cop Morty: Oh, there was one. Why do yous recall that seat was empty?
(A holographic Rick appears on the dashboard.)
Dispatch: Robbery at Fifth and *BURP* Avenue.
(Dispatch vanishes.)
Cop Rick: Fifth and *BURP*? That'southward Mortytown.
Cop Morty: (to acceleration) Unit 7 responding.
(They drive away. As they do, Cop Morty tasers an innocent bystander Morty with the cruiser.)
[Trans. Ext. Morty University]
Teacher Rick: (spoken inside) "Expert thought, Rick."
Students: (all together) Good thought, Rick.
[Int. Classroom]
(Teacher Rick teaches his students of dissimilar Mortys to repeat his words correctly.)
Instructor Rick: "This is a slap-up take a chance."
Students: This is a great risk.
Teacher Rick: "I love beingness your new Morty."
Students: I love being your new Mor...
Slick: (substituting for the discussion Morty) Farty!
(Slick and the other students laugh. Teacher Rick approaches his desk.)
Teacher Rick: Very amusing, Mr. Smith. Near as agreeable as when your first Rick was decapitated on Zorpathion 9. (Slick's smug confront becomes downcast.) Or was that your third Rick? How many Ricks have yous had?
Slick: Five…
Instructor Rick: I see. So yous are top of the grade in something. (All the Mortys too Slick laugh.) Tomorrow you lot will be transferred to your new Ricks. Hopefully, they volition be your concluding. Aye, Deadening Ri-- Tall Morty?
Tall Morty: Di-Did I gragitate this time withal?
Teacher Rick: Anything's possible, Tall Morty. Ugh…
(The other Mortys laugh once again. The bong rings, and everyone but Slick, Lizard Morty, Fatty Morty, and Spectacles Morty leaves the classroom.)
Lizard Morty: Guess we won't be seein' each other after this, huh?
Slick: I say we make our final mean solar day count. I say… we go to the Wishing Portal.
Glasses Morty: That's a myth.
Fat Morty: It'southward non a myth! K-m-my first Rick's fourth Morty knew a Rick whose Morty went there.
Lizard Morty: If we're non here for graduation, our butts are gonna end up in Mortytown.
Slick: I thought your terminal Rick fused y'all with a lizard, not a chicken.
Cadger Morty: Okay, fine. I'm in.
Glasses Morty: Me too.
(Slick, Glasses, and Fat Morty put their hands together. Lizard Morty sticks his tongue on top.)
Fat Morty: What the hell?
Lizard Morty: *retracts tongue* I-I idea I saw a wing.
[Trans. Simple Rick'south Wafer Cookie Manufacturing plant]
(Various Mill Drone Ricks stand in position on an assembly line, processing the wafer cookies. Rick J-22's chore is to stamp each wafer with the Simple Rick's logo. Of a sudden an alarm blares, and the workers all look upwards to where Supervisor Rick is standing.)
Supervisor Rick: *whistles* Listen up, fucknuts! I've been your supervisor for five years merely all shitty things must come to an end, and I have been promoted to regional managing director. (Factory Ricks cheer unenthusiastically.) Yeah, I experience the same way. May we never meet again. Of course that makes the position of Supervisor available. (Rick J-22 looks hopeful.) So as of next week, the ass you lot'll be kissing will exist that of… (Rick J-22 smiles) K-83, (He frowns over again) affectionately known as "Cool Rick."
(Cool Rick walks upward and flips the workers off.)
Absurd Rick: I know I'm new to the Citadel and some of you might not call up I've put in my fourth dimension, only what can I say? I'm Absurd Rick! *finger guns* Yo, ha-ha-ha, cheque me out!
Supervisor Rick: Alright, knuckle-*burp*-heads, any questions? (Rick J-22 raises his manus.) Alright and so, back to piece of work, you lot gold-Rickers.
(Supervisor Rick and Cool Rick walk abroad. The associates line restarts.)
[Trans. Mortytown]
(The cop cruiser goes down the streets of Mortytown, where out-and-down Mortys view it with suspicion.)
Cop Morty: No Ricks, no families, loftier off their asses and runnin' amok. Mortys are raised to be sidekicks. Without a side to kicking, they just start kickin'.
[Ext. Morty Mart]
(Morty Mart Morty speaks to Cop Rick and Cop Morty about the robbery. Cop Rick takes downwardly notes. Behind Morty Mart Morty is a purple Morty with an elephant-like trunk mopping the floor.)
Morty Mart Morty: They were, they were near my height, around fourteen years one-time… OH! Their shirts were yellow!
Cop Morty: *sarcastically* Yeah, make sure you become that downwards.
Cop Rick: Any mutations? Augmentations? Iii eyes, a tail, maybe a buzzcut?
Morty Mart Morty: No, merely iv normal Mortys.
Purple Trunk Morty: *feels bellyaching* "Normal"?
Morty Mart Morty: *talks back to Purple Morty* Put information technology in your blog.
Cop Morty: *looking at two Mortys in a nearby alley* Lemme plough over a few rocks.
(Cop Morty approaches the two street Mortys as they spraypaint the alley wall.)
Cop Morty: Aw geez, hey, what'southward goin' on, fellas?
Morty one: Aw geez, human being, nothin' man, we're just hangin' out and stuff.
Cop Morty: I hear that, ah geez, I approximate I'm supposed to be figuring out who robbed the shop beyond the street but aw geez I dunno.
Morty 2: *smirking* Ah geez man, that sucks that your Rick's makin' you practice that.
Cop Morty: *angered* He's not my Rick. He's my partner. Aw, geez.
Morty 1: Well, maybe the uniform makes a large difference. Who am I to say? To me, y'all just expect like a sidekick.
(Cop Morty snaps in a fit of rage and pins Morty 1 to the wall, shoving a large gun in his oral cavity.)
Cop Morty: CALL ME A SIDEKICK ONE MORE TIME! Phone call ME A SIDEKICK!!
Morty 2: Hey man! C'mon, aw geez!
(Cop Rick looks on, seemingly uncertain what to do.)
Cop Morty: WANNA SEE HOW I PAINT A WALL?!
Morty 2: It was the Mortytown Locos, man! The Mortytown Locos!
(Cop Morty releases Morty 1. Both street Mortys flee. Cop Morty walks dorsum to the cruiser.)
Cop Rick: Do you realize how many codes you just violated?
Cop Morty: Aw geez, Rick. What practice I know almost knowin' stuff? Arrive the fucking car.
[Trans. Presidential Argue]
(The 5 Rick candidates and Candidate Morty stand up at podiums.)
Retired Full general Rick: More lasers.
Moderator Rick: You lot can take more fourth dimension to answer the question if yous'd similar.
(Retired General Rick remains silent for a long beat. Moderator Rick crosses his list and moves on.)
Moderator Rick: ...Okay, Juggling Rick. How would you solve the Citadel's financial crisis?
Juggling Rick: Beginning off, can I but say that I call back this Citadel is the greatest in the unabridged multiverse. Now, I believe the answer to your question has three parts. (He reveals he'southward property three balls.) First, education spending must become muuuch higher! *starts tossing one ball*
[Int. Behind the scenes]
(Behind the scenes, Campaign Director Morty watches the debate on a screen.)
Juggling Rick: But it has to exist counterbalanced with defense force! *starts juggling all three balls* Whoa!
Entrada Manager Morty: Can nosotros fact-check this, delight? Never mind, who am I kidding? This race is over.
Juggling Rick: *now juggling iii balls and a chainsaw, he catches them all gracefully* And that's how you run a Citadel. *bows*
(Ricks and Mortys in the audience cheer.)
Moderator Rick: Candidate Morty. The number of displaced Mortys is soaring, while Rick satisfaction levels are plummeting, and the divide between the two groups has never been wider. *smirks* Solve that one real quick.
(The audience laughs, but Candidate Morty looks calm.)
Candidate Morty: I don't run into a divide between Ricks and Mortys.
Retired General Rick: Oh, shocker. *farts*
Reverse Rick Outrage: I'd like to offering a rebuttal. *farts*
Rick Guilt Rick: Gentlemen, gentlemen! I think we can all agree on ane thing. *farts twice* Well, came out as two things, but you go the idea.
(All laugh only Candidate Morty.)
Candidate Morty: You guys finished? (Continues his speech.) The division I see is betwixt the Ricks and Mortys that like the Citadel divided, and the remainder of u.s.. I see it everywhere I go.
(Candidate Morty'southward voice tin be heard every bit other scenes are shown.)
Candidate Morty: I come across it in our schools, where they teach Mortys nosotros're withal considering they're threatened by what makes us unique.
(Slick, Glasses, Lizard, and Fatty Morty sneak out of the school through a window.)
Candidate Morty: I meet it in our streets, where they give guns to Mortys and so nosotros're too busy fighting each other to fight real injustice.
(Cop Rick and Cop Morty drive up to see one of the Mortytown Locos walking into an alleyway. Cop Morty slides the top of his laser gun.)
Candidate Morty: I see it in our factories, where Ricks work for a fraction of their boss'south salary, fifty-fifty though they're identical and take the same IQ. The Citadel'southward problem isn't homeless Mortys or outraged Ricks.
(Rick J-22 works at his postal service in the wafer factory, but becomes enraged, breaks off a piece of machinery to use as a weapon, and enters Supervisor Rick's office, where he'south watching the argue. He shoots Supervisor Rick to death. Rick J-22 then sees numerous Ricks witness his actions through the office window.)
Candidate Morty: The Citadel's problem is the Ricks and Mortys feeding on the Citadel'due south debt.
Rick J-22: Holy shit. (Every bit the alert rings, he runs out of the office and enters the Flavour Core sleeping accommodation.)
Rick Worker: He's headed for the Season Core!
(Rick J-22 puts the chamber on lockdown and activates a ruby-red force field-similar barrier effectually the bedchamber. He so encounters Elementary Rick in front of him, slumping down on the flooring.)
Candidate Morty: But I've got a bulletin for them, from the Ricks and Mortys keeping it live. A bulletin… from the Ricks and Mortys that believe in this Citadel to the Ricks and Mortys that don't: you are outnumbered!
(Argue audience bursts into adulation.)
[Int. Backstage]
Entrada Director Morty: Holy shit. (Candidate Morty walks backstage.) I don't believe it! I-I can't believe it!
Candidate Morty: I know. *puts a hand on his shoulder* That's why you're fired. *walks away*
(Campaign Manager Morty looks downcast. He's approached past Juggling Rick.)
Juggling Rick: Sounds like you lot're looking for work. I can offer you a very enticing compensation package. *sets down bag and unzips it, pulling out three juggling clubs* Showtime, let's talk benefits.
[Trans. Int. Flavour core]
(Rick J-22 paces in the bedroom he shares with Simple Rick while a Rick SWAT team stands outside.)
Simple Rick: *mumbling to cocky* Daddy loves you… That's Daddy's proficient girl.
Rick J-22: *to Simple Rick* Your life is a lie, man. *to police force* All your lives are lies! Don't you get it?! They told united states nosotros were special because nosotros were Ricks, just they stripped united states of america of anything that made u.s.a. unique!
Negotiator Rick: *through megaphone* We know how you lot feel. Nosotros're working stiff Ricks just similar yous, simply our associates line is justice. What are your demands?
Rick J-22: *burp* I-I-I want a portal gun. Unregistered, untraceable, with enough fluid to take me off this goddamn prison house!
SWAT Team Rick: The media's outside.
Negotiator Rick: Well, continue 'em there!
[Trans. Ext. Simple Rick's Wafer Cookie manufactory]
(CN correspondent Rick D716-C reports on the scene.)
Rick D716-C: Anyhow, so yeah, the suspect says the Citadel is a lie, built on lies, and some other shit. (Now sharing the screen with Rick D716 and Rick D716-B.) I say, appreciate the life y'all have, because it can always be worse. Dorsum to you, Ricks.
Rick D716: Thank you, Rick 716-C. *mumbling to D716-B* That fuckin' guy.
Rick D716-B: Tell me near it.
[Trans. Newsroom]
Rick D716: Ahem. Meanwhile, in election news, an unexpected turn of events as Morty from the Morty Party soars to the height of the polls.
[Trans. Printing conference]
(Candidate Morty approaches a podium while reporter Ricks call out to him.)
Candidate Morty: Yes?
Reporter Rick: Morty! What's your original reality and where's your Rick?
Candidate Morty: Gosh. Nosotros moved effectually so much it'south difficult to remember. I meet every Rick equally my Rick.
[Trans. Barroom]
(The press conference is on the bar Television. Campaign Manager Morty watches.)
Candidate Morty: I hope they encounter me as their Morty.
Campaign Manager Morty: *holding drinking glass* Another, please, with less h2o.
Bartender Morty: *fixing a new drinkable* Hey, cheer up, pal! A Morty's gonna be president. *gestures to TV* Imagine this kisser gettin' blamed for everything!
(Bartender Morty walks away. Campaign Director Morty takes a drink.)
Campaign Manager Morty: I guess I shoulda had more faith.
(Investigator Rick is sitting a few seats down the bar.)
Investigator Rick: It'southward non faith you need. It'due south fear.
(Investigator Rick takes out a dossier from inside his trenchcoat and slides it over to Morty, who takes it uncertainly.)
Campaign Director Morty: What's this?
Investigator Rick: *drains his glass* It'due south secrets. Wh-wh-what practise you lot remember it is? *Gets up and walks away* Await at how I'yard dressed.
Rick Reporter (on TV): Taking on the organization like this, are you afraid at all for your rubber?
(Campaign Manager Morty pulls out the documents in the dossier and looks them over.)
Candidate Morty (on Television receiver): I'd rather live in hope than fright. (Campaign Manager Morty looks shocked at the documents, so looks up at the TV.) If I had to fear anything, I'd fear other people existence afraid. Of fear. Itself.
[Trans. Int. Mortytown Locos hideout]
(The Mortytown Locos sit down around a Idiot box watching the press conference while their Rick prepares bootleg portal fluid in a setup similar to a meth lab.)
Candidate Morty (on Television): Just no, I'thou not afraid.
Mortytown Loco: Hey Rick, human, when there's a Morty president, you gonna lick my balls or what?
(Other Mortys laugh.)
Bootleg Rick: Shit, grandson, you keep me peelin' squap-squams and slippin' beak-nibs I'll lick whatever ain't nailed down.
(Mortytown locos laugh and high-five. Suddenly the front end door is kicked in. Cop Morty and Cop Rick enter with guns drawn.)
Cop Rick: Hands in the air!
(All the Mortys stand and raise their hands.)
Mortytown Loco: What the hell, man? What the hell in hell?
(Cops enter the building, guns still drawn.)
Cop Morty: You guys doin' a piddling chemistry homework with Gramps?
Cop Rick: Is this what I recollect it is?
Cop Morty: Homemade portal fluid.
(Bootleg Rick grabs his portal gun and tries to escape, but upon making contact with the faulty portal, he disintigrates.)
Cop Morty: Approximate his math was off. Search the place.
(Cop Rick goes further into the building while Cop Morty subdues the Mortytown Locos. Rick enters a bedroom with his gun drawn just to run into a weeping Psychopath Morty.)
Psychopath Morty: A-Are y'all… m-my new… Rick?
(Cop Rick lowers his gun and approaches Morty.)
Cop Rick: Information technology'southward okay, Morty.
(He picks upward Psychopath Morty to carry him to safety. Psychopath Morty pulls out a blade and stabs Rick in the shoulder. Cop Rick falls to his knees and shoots Psychopath Morty. Cop Morty runs to the room.)
Cop Morty: Jesus!
Cop Rick: He stabbed me! He got me bad, Morty.
Cop Morty: *approaches Rick and kneels downwardly beside him* Shh, information technology'due south okay, you're okay.
Cop Rick: You were right… *coughing* Everything I learned in the academy was--
Cop Morty: Information technology doesn't matter. *helps Rick to his feet* Aught's wrong with putting your faith in a Morty. You merely gotta pick the right one.
Cop Rick: Why is there a crib in hither?
Cop Morty: Merely somethin' they do to make you feel bad.
(In the forepart room, the Mortytown Locos have their hands cuffed and legs shackled.)
Cop Rick: Male child, I got u.s.a. knee joint-deep in paperwork, huh?
Cop Morty: Go to the car and take hold of a MediPack. Lemme worry about this.
(Cop Rick goes outside to care for his stab wound. Cop Morty walks out of the building moments later equally it disintegrates in a greenish blast, killing the Mortys within. Cop Morty gets to the cruiser.)
Cop Rick: What happened?
Cop Morty: Same old story. Mortys killing Mortys.
(Morty gets in the car. Rick stands pensively by the wreckage.)
[Trans. Megafruit Subcontract]
(Cadger Morty, who is summit of a stack comprised of Glasses Morty, Slick and Fat Morty, carefully reaches for a dangling Megafruit.)
Lizard Morty:Almost... got it...
(A laser shot suddenly fires next to Lizard Morty and falls downwardly with every Morty. A disguised farmer Rick holds a shotgun-like laser with his robot domestic dog abreast him.)
Farmer Rick:Hey, y'all go the hell away from my damn Megafruit!
(All Mortys start running away from Farmer Rick and his robot dog.)
Farmer Rick: Sic 'em, boy! *his robot dog gives chase; the 4 Mortys tumble down into a river* I don't wear this dangnap hat and commit to this rural character so you can eat for free while you lot come of age!
[Trans. Forest]
(The iv Mortys have a campfire in the wood at dark.)
Fat Morty: I bet the Wishing Portal leads to a reality where there... where all... where it'due south a agglomeration of French toast with boobies.
Cadger Morty: I bet it leads to a place where a bunch of friday-- flies everywhere! *Slick feels peevish*
Slick: Yep, I bet it goes nowhere. I bet information technology's a large hole where the Citadel dumps all its broken dreams.
Fat Morty: Slick, why do ya have to be so dramatic?
Slick: *stands up* You wanna know why? *lifts his shirt to reveal a big barcode on his abdomen* Because of this! I'm part of an experimental line of Mortys with a trauma implant. How do you call back information technology feels, Fat Morty, to know that no matter where I get, *Glasses Morty comes over to Slick as he sits back down feeling depressed* I'll always be the ane that makes everybody deplorable and... a little bored? *Glasses Morty consoles Slick*
Spectacles Morty: Slick, that implant isn't who you lot are, okay? Y'all also curlicue up your sleeves. *they hug each other*
Fat Morty: I idea I was Left-Handed Morty.
Cadger Morty: And then you should utilize your left manus to eat more vegetables.
[Trans. Hard Rick Cafe]
(Outside the Hard Rick Cafe, Candidate Morty starts greeting crowds of dissimilar Ricks behind crowd control barriers on both sides with his bodyguard Ricks.)
Candidate Morty: Hey there. How yous doing? Great to encounter you. *greets a Plumber Rick*
Plumber Rick: I'm a plumber, sir! I-I'one thousand a Rick and I'm a plumber!
Candidate Morty: That doesn't sound like Rick work. You lot didn't come up to the Citadel to exist a plumber, did you?
Plumber Rick:*laughs joyfully* I certain didn't, sir! *a blueshirt Rick conveying a Rick baby comes adjacent to Plumber Rick*
Father Rick: Mr. Morty, Mr. Morty! *gives his babe Rick to him* I cloned myself so you tin kiss me as a infant!
Candidate Morty:This is but like a Morty baby!
(Every Rick thank you every bit he kisses the Rick baby and giving him back to Father Rick. He then sees a very displeased Campaign Managing director Morty behind the barrier.)
Candidate Morty: Hey! *they shake hands* Did you finish up getting a new job?
Campaign Manager Morty: Yeah, I did. Assassinating you!
(Entrada Managing director Morty holds up a laser pistol and shoots Candidate Morty in the chest. One bodyguard Rick shoots his Taser gun at Campaign Manager Morty, screaming horribly; the other tends to Candidate Morty as he starts bleeding profusely on the floor.)
Candidate Morty: I'm okay... I'one thousand okay... I'm... *falls unconscious* Ohh...
[Trans. "The Creepy Morty"]
(Cop Morty and Cop Rick enter a strip club-like establishment filled with fully-clothed Mortys. A Morty wearing a bright bluish builder'southward chapeau offers to Cop Rick.)
Builder Hat Morty: You look like you could use a good fourth dimension! One trip the light fantastic toe for 10, two for 25!
Cop Rick: No thank yous, and bad math. *see Bearded Morty enjoying Jeans Shorts Morty dancing*
Bearded Morty: Ha-ha, yeah! This is a good fourth dimension!
Cop Rick: What is the place?
Cop Morty: "The Creepy Morty". What is information technology your kind's ever proverb? "Don't recall nearly it." Come up on. In that location'due south someone important I want y'all to meet.
(Cop Morty and Cop Rick become to a private tabular array. They are greeted by a savvy-looking Morty with 2 large muscular Morty Bouncers keeping lookout man.)
Big Morty: Ah, Bubblah! How'd it go with the Mortytown Locos?
Cop Morty: They had a little accident. They won't be causing whatsoever problem anymore.
Large Morty: Those were bad Mortys. Very bad Mortys. *snaps his finger, Morty Bouncer 2 gives an envelope to Cop Morty*
Cop Morty: Large Morty likes to contribute to keeping the peace in Mortytown. *takes out a wad of dollar bills* Recall of him as a drug lord, and us his cops on his payroll. *throws bills to Cop Rick*
Cop Rick: Morty...
Morty Bouncers/Cop Morty: *all said at once* Which Morty?
Cop Rick: M-g-my partner. Morty, you're correct. Mortytown is bad, but that doesn't hateful that we accept to be. *Cop Morty is shocked*
Big Morty: Hey, what's goin' on here, Morty?
Morty Bouncers: *both said at one time* Which Morty?
Big Morty: The cop, morons.
Cop Morty: *nervously* Don't worry well-nigh Rick, Big Morty. He's new. He doesn't understand how it works.
Big Morty: That's what yous said about your last partner. *Cop Rick feels suspicious about this*
Cop Morty: Wh-why would yous say something like that, Big Morty? Yous're fucking things up for both of u.s.a. hither!
Big Morty: Wrong. He'due south fucking things up for both of you. Unless he takes the coin. *both Morty Bouncers and Cop Morty stare at Cop Rick sceptically for a beat; Cop Rick turns to Big Morty*
Cop Rick: Big Morty, you're nether arrest. *both Morty Bouncers have out their light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation pistols*
Cop Morty: S-smartest human in the universe.
(Cop Morty uppercuts both Morty Bouncers, makes a run with Cop Rick. They both jump behind a tabular array and accept cover from Large Morty and his Bouncers firing lasers at them. Cop Morty shoots Morty Bouncer i through the head.)
Cowboy Morty: *drops his cowboy pistols* They're just props! Thursday-they're just props!
(Cop Rick shoots Morty Bouncer two through the head, launching his torso onto the right seat. Cop Morty runs up and kicks Big Morty on the floor, pointing his gun to Big Morty'southward forehead.)
Cop Morty: Non so large at present, are ya?
Large Morty: I never was! It was figurative! *Cop Rick aims at Cop Morty*
Cop Rick: That's enough!
Cop Morty: If nosotros don't kill him, he'll talk!
Cop Rick: If yous practice, I'll talk. *Cowboy Morty talks out to the group by the strip pole*
Cowboy Morty: One thing's for sure: y-you don't have to worry near Cowboy Morty talkin'! This little cowpoke's gonna mosey up on outta here! *walks abroad, Cop Rick turns to Cop Morty*
Cop Rick: You lot told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. *Cop Morty pauses for a beat, starts crying tears down his face*
Cop Morty: Oh, Granddad Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I desire to be a regular kid! I desire to get to school and throw balls around and masturbate!
(Cop Rick lowers his laser gun downwards for a beat. Cop Morty shoots Big Morty'south head and Cop Rick shoots Cop Morty'due south head immediately before he had a run a risk to shoot.)
[Trans. outside "The Creepy Morty"]
(Cop Rick steps exterior "The Creepy Morty" before two police hovercars arrive at the scene. He surrenders himself with both knees on the ground and hands in the air.)
Cop Rick 2: The hell happened in in that location?
Cop Rick: Same former story. Ricks killing Mortys.
[Trans. Flavor Cadre]
(Negotiator Rick returns to the chamber, holding up a portal gun to Rick J-22.)
Negotiator Rick: Okay, man, okay! We got your portal gun.
(Rick J-22 uses the command console and deactivates the red forcefulness field within the chamber. A miniature portal pops next to Rick J-22 with Negotiator Rick'southward hand dropping the portal gun on the floor. Rick J-22 picks up the portal gun and examines information technology. He then shuts downward the Uncomplicated Rick auto.)
Negotiator Rick: The hell's he doing? *Rick J-22 showtime removes the pink tube connecting behind the headgear and throws the headgear off of Elementary Rick; he wakes upward immediately*
Simple Rick: Wh-where am I?
Rick J-22: A bad place, merely you're going to a ameliorate one before long.
SWAT Team Rick 1: *bangs other side of window* Hey! Hey! *Rick J-22 fires a portal next to Simple Rick*
Negotiator Rick: No, no, no, no--!! *Rick J-22 pushes Simple Rick into the portal and is instantly composite with a geyser of blood* Goddammit!!
Rick J-22: A portal to the Blender Dimension?! That's the oldest fob in the volume! I'm a Rick! I'1000 more Rick than whatsoever of you!!
Negotiator Rick: Then you should know y'all but killed your only leverage!
Rick J-22: Then come and become me, motherfuckers!!
(Negotiator Rick and others cock their weapons; a SWAT Team Rick holds up a huge blowtorch to cut a door-similar hole through the wall. He kicks into the chamber earlier another Rick intervenes.)
Royal Conform Rick: Finish! *he wears a royal suit with light-green under shirt and dark-green tie, purple elevation hat, and carries a gold cane* I'm Rick D. Sanchez III, owner of this here wafer institution, and I say that the Rick in there is right! He'south more than Rick than whatever of you lot.
SWAT Squad Rick 2: He's a terrorist!
Rick D. Sanchez Three: What Rick isn't? *walks into the sleeping room to greet Rick J-22* The Citadel was founded by Ricks for Ricks to exist free. *taps Rick J-22'southward head with his cane* What's your proper name, young human?
Rick J-22: Rick. And I'k--
Rick D. Sanchez III: Aforementioned age as me, I know. How long have worked here?
Rick J-22: Fifteen years.
Rick D. Sanchez III: What the hell have we become? *turns to the SWAT Team Ricks* Whatever time yous were going to brand him serve, he served it. It ends now! *walks up to Rick J-22* Come with me, friend.
Rick J-22: Where are nosotros going?
Rick D. Sanchez Iii: To your new life, which starts with walking the fuck out of here.
[Trans. Assembly Line]
(Rick D. Sanchez III takes Rick J-22 along the main associates line.)
Rick Worker: Yo, J-22! Requite 'em hell!
(All Worker Ricks cheer as Rick D. Sanchez III walks along with Rick J-22 down the associates line. The Unproblematic Rick's commercial music starts playing with Rick J-22 waving back and crying tears of joy.)
Narrator: At that place's a Rick who held a factory earnest later murdering his boss and several co-workers. The factory made cookies, flavored him with lies.
(Outside the manufactory, Rick D. Sanchez III presents his fancy majestic hover-convertible and gives his car keys to Rick J-22.)
Narrator: He made us all have a await at what nosotros were doing, and at the bargain he got a sense of taste of existent freedom.
(Earlier Rick J-22 could reach the hover-convertible, Rick D. Sanchez III shoots Rick J-22 behind his head and falls downwardly in slow-motion. The scene fades to a video screen showing Rick J-22 crying tears of joy downward the assembly line. The scene zooms out to reveal a blissful Rick J-22 hooked into the Simple Rick machine with 2 connecting pink tubes.)
Narrator: We captured that gustation, and we keep giving it to him so he can give it right back to you, in every bite of new Simple Rick Liberty Wafer Selects. *shows wafer displayed on screen* Come habitation to the unique flavor of shattering the grand illusion. Come home to Simple Rick.
[Trans. Wishing Portal Building]
(The 4 Mortys approach a rusty-looking edifice encased past a tall circling wall.)
Fatty Morty: It is existent! *Slick breaks the lock with a pb piping and the gates open*
Slick: Afterwards you lot. *the four Mortys walk through the gate. Slick drops his piping along the way*
[Trans. Wishing Portal]
(The iv Mortys walk inside a huge chamber with a behemothic green downwards tunnel and large industrial pipes above the tunnel.)
Fatty Morty: There it is... the Wishing Portal. They say for your wish to come true, y-you have to give up something actually important. *takes a food machine out of his bag* For me, that's my panini maker. I wish for a million sandwiches! *drops his panini maker downwards the portal. He turns dorsum to Lizard Morty* And yeah, I encounter the irony.
Lizard Morty: I guess I wish I had something cooler than this dumbass surfer necklace. *throws necklace into portal; Glasses takes out a candy bar*
Spectacles Morty: I wish incest porn h-had a more mainstream entreatment, f-for a friend of mine. *Slick takes a step forrad, feeling withdrawn*
Slick: None of those things are gonna happen, y'know. Morty wishes never come up true. Not on the Citadel.
Lizard Morty: And so why did you bring us here?
Slick: Because I wish that would change. I wish annihilation about this life would change.
Spectacles Morty: Well, I hope you lot're putting something pretty goddamn of import in there.
Slick: Me, too. But I doubt it. *throws himself into the portal; Glasses and Lizard scream in shock*
Glasses Morty: NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Lizard Morty: SLI-I-I-I-I-I-I-ICK!!!!
(Slick plummets down the abyssal depths of the Wishing Portal and vanishes completely. The 3 Mortys take a moment of silence.)
Glasses Morty: Maybe... Maybe he went somewhere nice.
Rick PA Announcer: *via speaker* "Garbage dump. Stand up *burp* back." *the three large pipes dump several amounts of garbage into the portal*
[Trans. Airlock Bedroom]
(The two Bodyguard Ricks drag along a badly beaten-up Entrada Director Morty and throw him into the airlock chamber.)
Entrada Managing director Morty: *gets himself up* He gotta exist stopped... *wipes bloodstain off his face up* He-he cou-couldn't be allowed to win.
Bodyguard Rick 1: Then you lot should've *burp* worked on your aim, bro.
Campaign Manager Morty: He'southward alive?! No, no, no! Y'all gotta mind to me! *shows his entrada badge* I-I worked for him! I was his campaign manager! That Morty is non what he seems.
Bodyguard Rick two: Yeah, well, no Morty seems like a president.
Entrada Manager Morty: He... won?
Bodyguard Rick 2: Yeah. *the airlock door closes; Campaign Managing director Morty immediately brings out the documents and cries out to the Bodyguard Ricks but to no avail*
Bodyguard Rick one: It was a blowout. *pushes push on airlock panel and Campaign Manager Morty is instantly sucked out into space forth with the dossier and its contents*
Bodyguard Rick 2: We hardly call it a blowout, it was almost close enough to trigger a recount.
Bodyguard Rick 1: Jesus, what are you, joke security now, too?
[Trans. Interrogation Room]
(Two Officer Ricks enter the interrogation room with Cop Rick in handcuffs.)
Cop Rick: Why am I nonetheless hither? I already confessed to everything.
Officer Rick ane: Your case has been reviewed. *presses button, unlocks Cop Rick's handcuffs* You're free to become.
Cop Rick: But... I violated at least a dozen departmental codes!
Officer Rick i: New section. New codes. *leaves room*
Officer Rick 2: New Citadel. *leaves with Officer Rick one*
[Trans. Ext. Morty Academy]
(Teacher Rick locks the principal entrance when Glasses, Lizard and Fat Morty arrive back to him.)
Glasses Morty: Did we miss graduation? Where are the new Ricks?
Instructor Rick: No graduation. No new Ricks. The schoolhouse's curriculum is irresolute.
Glasses Morty: To what?
Instructor Rick: I don't know, and I don't have to know. I've been fired. *takes out a flask, unscrews top and walks off* Good luck, turds.
Lizard Morty: Holy crap... Slick'due south wish came true. *sees Glasses and Fat Morty smiling*
[Trans. Shadow Council of Ricks Hall]
(Rick D. Sanchez III arrives to take his seat next to Steve Jobs Rick.)
Rick D. Sanchez III: Sorry I'm late, Mr. President. Had a footling crunch at work.
Steve Jobs Rick: Worth it! *eats Simple Rick wafer cookie; see President Morty having a haircut with Barber Rick*
President Morty: It'south no problem. *to Barber Rick* Uh, a little more off the top. *continues* You were saying, Garment District Rick?
Garment District Rick: We were saying, *air-quotes* "President Morty," that we don't care who sits in that seat. A Rick, a Morty, a goddam Jerry, doesn't thing. We've been running the Citadel since before the Quango, and you'll discover that nosotros're still running it at present. *President Morty turns over holding a mirror*
President Morty: Does he actually speak for everyone here?
Other Ricks: Yep, aye. *President Morty turns dorsum again property up the mirror*
President Morty: Well, I think it'southward important to be articulate. Raise your hand if he speaks for you.
(Through President Morty'due south mirror reflection, seven Ricks including Rick D. Sanchez Iii and Garment Commune Rick raise their hands for a beat. President Morty snaps his finger and two Officer Ricks euthanise the five Ricks with daze lasers await for Steve Jobs Rick and Practiced-Looking Rick.)
Hairdresser Rick: *keeping his cool* Is that... enough off the acme? *three more than Officer Ricks enter*
President Morty: I don't know. *turns over the two remaining Ricks* Is information technology?
Steve Jobs Rick: *begging* Aye, yes, yes! Goddamn yes!
Good-Looking Rick: *begging* Yes, it'southward not bad!
President Morty: Good.
(President Morty then walks over to cascade a drinking glass of brandy as the Officer Ricks and Mortys carry the Rick corpses away. President Morty observes outside the window as he continues his dialogue.)
President Morty: This seems like a good fourth dimension for a drink, and a cold, calculated speech with sinister overtones. A speech about politics, well-nigh order, brotherhood, power...
(Scenes testify the new Morty/Rick banners covering the old Rick emblems of a building; Cop Rick putting on his new police badge; Fatty, Glasses and Cadger Morty wheelbarrowing Megafruit in their new uniforms; Officer Ricks dragging the remaining dead Ricks into airlock pods. Cut dorsum to President Morty.)
President Morty: Just speeches are for campaigning. *looks into his glass of brandy and gives a sinister expression* Now... is the time for action.
[Trans. Ext. Airlock Outside the Citadel]
(Four dead Ricks, including Rick D. Sanchez III and Garment District Rick, are chucked out of the airlock. "For the Damaged Coda" plays in the background as the scene zooms out revealing dozens of dead Ricks and Mortys floating in space including Cop Morty, Big Morty, Investigator Rick and Campaign Manager Morty. The floating documents shows pictures of a Morty with an eyepatch; Candidate Morty taking off his eyepatch with a puppet-controlled Rick before the pictures float away off-screen.)
[CREDITS]
[Trans. Int. Rick'south Garage]
(Rick and Morty teleport back to the garage in full scuba gear.)
Rick: Whoa!! Hahaha, yeah! Atlantis, baby!
Morty: That was astonishing! *both accept off their snorkels and flippers*
Rick: Got some of that mermaid puss!
Morty: I'm actually hoping it wasn't a one-off thing and I can see her once more. By the way, hey, um... notwithstanding not curious nigh what might've happened at that crazy Citadel identify?
Rick: *takes seaweed off his pants* Pssh! Not at all, Morty. That identify volition never have any bearing over our lives e'er again. Unlike that mermaid puss! Yeah!! We're going back for seconds! We're gonna do that shit every week, man! That was Atlantis!
Morty: *as Rick continues jubilant* Whoo! Yeah! Yeaah! Ohhh, shit!
[ Finish OF EPISODE ]
| v • east Transcripts | |
|---|---|
| Seasons | |
| Season one | Pilot • Lawnmower Dog • Anatomy Park • M. Night Shaym-Aliens! • Meeseeks and Destroy • Rick Potion #9 • Raising Gazorpazorp • Rixty Minutes • Something Ricked This Fashion Comes • Close Rick-Counters of the Rick Kind • Ricksy Business |
| Season two | A Rickle in Time • Mortynight Run • Motorcar Erotic Absorption • Total Rickall • Go Schwifty • The Ricks Must Be Crazy • Big Trouble In Little Sanchez • Interdimensional Cablevision two: Tempting Fate • Look Who's Purging Now • The Nuptials Squanchers |
| Season 3 | The Rickshank Rickdemption • Rickmancing the Stone • Pickle Rick • Vindicators three: The Return of Worldender • The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy • Rest and Ricklaxation • Tales From the Citadel • Morty's Heed Blowers • The ABC's of Beth • The Rickchurian Mortydate |
Source: https://rickandmorty.fandom.com/wiki/The_Ricklantis_Mixup/Transcript
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